Guess who's back!

Wow it's been one helluva vacation, can I hit the restart button?

Damn regret

If I knew things would turn out this way, I would have suppressed my anger. Sigh I hate myself for acting up last night... I am such a lousy girlfriend, boo :(

Oh well, the course of true love was never easy.. but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep us together! x

3 more days..

..and I'll be done with school and all the crazy assignments. But I kinda foresee myself failing one module this sem because I literally dismissed 30% of my grades by not doing an assignment. Argh but whatever, it's a lesson learnt and I shall not be such a sloth next sem. Realllyyyyy, pinky promise.

Okay so Alli will be back on 29th as well, and I'm mega stoked! Finally.. wow time really flies, I can still remember the good times we had in the beginning of the year, and now you're back again for more! Ahh can't wait for your call, I'm so gonna rush down to avenue 10 to see/hug you.

So I have 35 days of break, and I need to really make good use of it. Last year I spent Christmas.. on the plane -.- flying back to Singapore BUT that's not gonna happen this year! Yay, okay so it's another 3 weeks before I leave the country but I am already mentally packing my luggage lol.

This December is gonna be amazing, and it's really happening.. wow. x

*Damn, my personal email is cranking up, I can't seem to send out any documents :( Maybe it's time to change it to mrslovajana@hotmail.com... I'm totally kidding lol.

Caffeine overdose

Tonight I am not allowed to sleep... but how is that possible? P isn't here to keep me awake argh.

Wednesday blues

I really really cannot wait to get my last three major assignments over and done with. I hate how my sleep is being interrupted these days, I hate how I'll only hang out to study, I hate how I haven't been shopping, I hate the amount of time I spend in front of my laptop, but most of all I hate the snail pace of November. Argh. Btw, I deactivated FB again.. let's see how long I can go without it.

Two and a half weeks to liberation, kill me already....

For those who can ride in an airplane for the first time

I’m 30 years old and I’m trying to figure out most days what being a man means.

I don’t drink fight or love but these days I find myself wanting to do all three, and I don’t really have a favorite color anymore but I did when I was a kid, and back then that color was blue. And back then I wanted to be an astronaut, I wanted to be an architect, an artist, a secret agent, a ranger for the World Wildlife Fund, and a hobo. And when I was six years old I used to always throw my clothes into my blue and yellow plastic vinyl Hot Wheels car carrying suitcase, and run away to beneath the dining room table.

I’ve made out with more girls then I wish I’ve had and not nearly as many as I’d like to. I’ve been in love 4 or 5 times so I doubt I’m gonna try that much more often, and I spend most days making pictures or thinking about making pictures, or masturbating or thinking about masturbating.

And I dream too much and I don't write enough and I'm trying to find God everywhere.
Trying to figure this thing He made called a man.

And the television it tells me that it’s bare-knuckled bombing, and if I drove a tank or was a movie star, my penis would be huge and that’s what I want because that’s what being a man means or least that’s what they keep telling me.

My Pops, he takes care of us. He puts the garbage out twice a week, he drives forty-five minutes just to water flowers. I’m sitting on a bus when a seven year old boy carrying a book of Robin Hood sits down next to me and asks me my name. Anis. That’s a nice name. Thank you, what’s yours? Quentin. Anis? Do you wanna read with me?

So tell me what my fists keep writing. My fingers they open like gates when I write and the wind is swinging in the wake. I lift bridges with poems and forests grow in my mother’s eyes. I’m looking for God, Quentin, while this world tries to forget you for trying. For Quentin, this world hates your eyes for they are small and pure. And Quentin, this world hates your fingers — Little like the stems of flowers — for not being able to pick up the things you have left behind simply because you were still learning to do so.

I don’t drink, fight, or fuck but these days, Quentin, it’s only two out of those three that I don’t do. And I’ve fallen in love 6 7 8 9 10 times Quentin, so I don’t want to want to but I still do. And I want to find God in the morning and in the tired hands of dusk, at the mouth of the river and down by its feet. But instead I drive sixty through residential streets praying to hit a child that they may stay forever an angel, stay forever full of night and light and crayons with simple outstretched limbs, trying to pick up way too much way too fast, forgetting what it means to be a person.

In a world where egos are measured with tabloids, where automobiles double for morals, where beliefs are like naps—you leave them behind when somebody touches you— And in a place where oil always takes precedence over life, I find myself sitting on a bus watching a small boy float down like fresh water. Carrying a book that I used to. Asking if I want to see what he sees if only for a little while, and I do. And then asks if I want to give to him what I see if only for a little while, and I read to him.

And then he says to me he is going to show me the world and starts reading me the sentences himself, his hands dancing back and forth, across the pages. Stumbling over words, skipping over lines because his fingers are moving faster then what they are showing his eyes and I want to tell him:

Slow down, Quentin, slow down.

You don’t have to touch and go. You can see it all if your finger whispers on one word. Slow down and hold what you see just a little while longer.

For in a world of fast faces I'm looking for God everywhere.
Trying to figure out a little better this little thing He made called a man.
-Anis Mojgani

What makes you beautiful

You're insecure

Don't know what for

You're turning heads when you walk through the door

Don't need make up

To cover up

Being the way that you are is enough

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else in the room but you

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I'm looking you and I can't believe

You don't know oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful, oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful

For the very first time..

1. I had Waterfall.

2. I puked before the party even started.

3. P puked in public hahaha. Oops.

Anyway, more photos in my Holga camera, will post them up when I get them developed! x

Hello November

Lately, I haven't been seeing/hanging with my girlfriends. I guess everyone's pretty caught up with school now that exams are just around the corner.. ahh cant wait for all of us to sail through this period and finally meet up in dec!

Anyway last friday was a pretty good one even though E, B and I came to school looking lifeless. It's funny how the three of us are constantly looking/thinking of excuses to postpone our presentations; happens every trimester lol. But this time I was quite determined to just go ahead with it, and we did. We came to school early, and almost ready, but only to realise that we got the timings all wrong and were wayyyy too early. But why oh why am I not at all surprised? So prin came along to find us and we hung out for the next two hours or so. I am really happy that prin is getting to know more of my friends, and it's really nice to see that they can all get along just fine! Can't wait for him to meet G and K! :)

So presentation was a breeze, like surprisingly? We thought we'll probably die midway during Q&A as we watched the other teams being gunned down by the tutor. The previous group took over an hour to wrap up their presentation, making the three of us really impatient and tired. Fyi, we only had 3 hours of sleep the night before. Anyhow our tutor was pretty pleased with our team, he said it was good, and he was smiling away when we were presenting. Wow. You see, we always have pretty low confidence of our work because they tend to be last minute. And apparently for this module, we were the only group with 3 members, others had like 5 to 6? Nobody likes us; we are seen as the outcasts in class although I prefer to think that we are simply on different wavelengths.

After school, E, P and I celebrated over dinner and beer. I felt quite bad making E drink, I can see how much he hates alcohol. I mean I used to, I still do now but only for hard liquor. And yes, I haven't been drinking lately so I was really really red after half a pint, and we were in Paradise Inn where it was brightly lighted. Ahhh imagine all those stares that I received; mega embarrassing. So after dinner, P came over to my place in an attempt to help me out with my essay, due the next day. Yes, we failed and fell asleep so now I am just getting started on it. Oh god I foresee a long night ahead so wish me luck..... x

Halloween 2011

So Halloween night was spent at various places this year. Well, it was actually my first time celebrating the occasion in a costume! Okay, not exactly a costume but a themed outfit? I would call myself a conservative bunny, because unlike the other bunnies out there, I was decently garmented lol. P was dressed as a terrorist (like seriously?) and the rest were in some of the most amusing costumes; the Pope, Katy Perry, a priest, devil, patient, etc. This time, detox really worked as I became really red upon a few glasses of alcohol but thank god I didn't throw up or anything. So we went from Adrian's place to Goodwood Park Hotel to Neverland, and finally to another of P's friend's place. I was talking to Joshie (P's BFF) most of the time and by the end of the day, we became BFFs lol. Anyhow, it was fairly a good night even though we didn't make it to Zouk or Butter. Hmm now that Halloween is over, I'm looking forward very much to Christmas! Oh dec holidays please come soon, a part of me is dying inside everyday as I drown myself in this shitload of assignments ahhhh. x

Princess

Can't believe I'm announcing it here, but yes it's official that we are together :)

Disappointment is my greatest fear, hence my cell will be switched off momentarily.

The Greatest Irony of Love

Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right; finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It’s just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or a stranger. So here’s a piece of advice; let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough, and movie on when things are not like before. For surely there is someone out there who will love you even move.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. But why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying and to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

How to define love: Fall but do not stumble. Be constant but not too persistent. Share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand. Hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk and if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love.

Now I'm up at this odd hour, thinking if I've made the right choice, thinking if I was or will ever be ready. Sigh.

Call me a sloth

Wow I realised I havent been blogging at all this month. To be honest, I am quite sick of updating this space. And my assignments are piling up every minute, just because I am becoming the most lazy tard ever. It sickens me how I have turned into such a sloth, sleeping more than ever these days yet it's never enough. BUT I am determined to be extra diligent from today onwards, and for the next two weeks because time isn't exactly on my side. I really have an insane amount to catch up, can't afford to party anymore! With the exception of Halloween, that is.

Anyway, I can't wait to see my princess this saturday, he's been so ill lately yet I am not by his side :( oh well, till we meet on saturday, I'll be waiting by my phone. Miss you silly x.

Celebrate

It's 10 days into October and all I have been doing is filling my belly with loads and loads of liquor, and of course having a good time with these girls. Happy birthday to all the October babies out there, you guys know who you are. x

Shoes for Sale.

ASOS MARGE Leather Lace Up Flat Shoe

Selling these babies because I got them in the wrong size.

UK 3, in perfect condition. Selling for only SGD55 when I got them at SGD90!

SOLD

Ecote Lace Up Boot from Urban Outfitters

Too big for my feet (I'm between US 6 to 7); they're US size 7 but I think they fit better for people between US 7 to 8, which means UK 4 - 5 or EU37 - 38.

Worn once, perfect condition. Selling for SGD30.

SOLD

Meet up only.

Drop me an email at missundaztood_pink7@hotmail.com or leave a comment below if you're interested. x

Hammie.

I think I look like a hamster/chipmunk here.

Taken in 2010, December. Moments before I leave the country for Europe. x

Put your hands up, let the party rock.

I can't remember how much I drank last Friday, there seemed to be an infinite source of alcohol as people/friends took turns to buy me a glass. Besides, the concert wasn't exactly impressive (I even considered going to Butter at 2ish?), alcohol was in fact the only thing that made everything interesting. Well, I was only at the free standing area for a while to catch Ludacris and LMFAO, left for the VIP areas shortly to hang. Met friends, and made new ones. I had more drinks while Stephy stopped, and my camera died midway, so did my phone. Befriended a bartender who conveniently handed me another glass, after which I plunged myself at a random table, only to realise I was actually surrounded by familiar faces. So we left the party at 6ish, by that time I was so, so tipsy with all that alcohol in my stomach, all I wanted to do was to crash as soon as I return home. But no, that didn't happen, we got picked up by the royal family of Brunei while waiting for a cab. Eventually, we had breakfast with them at Newton Circus before retreating to their hotel suites at Capella where I spent half the time camping in the toilet, puking. The puking didn't stop at the toilet, we left the hotel shortly and I found myself puking all the way home. Which means, in the cab, at the carpark and right to my doorstep. Got busted by my mom as soon as I got home, but I felt that the thrashing was well deserved. Ahhh swear I'll not touch liquor for the next two weeks or so, and I'll never allow myself to be drunk when I reach home because it just stinks to see the amount of disappointment and anger in the eyes of your parents. In short, I kind of messed up but all's well now. x