Damn regret

If I knew things would turn out this way, I would have suppressed my anger. Sigh I hate myself for acting up last night... I am such a lousy girlfriend, boo :(

Oh well, the course of true love was never easy.. but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep us together! x

3 more days..

..and I'll be done with school and all the crazy assignments. But I kinda foresee myself failing one module this sem because I literally dismissed 30% of my grades by not doing an assignment. Argh but whatever, it's a lesson learnt and I shall not be such a sloth next sem. Realllyyyyy, pinky promise.

Okay so Alli will be back on 29th as well, and I'm mega stoked! Finally.. wow time really flies, I can still remember the good times we had in the beginning of the year, and now you're back again for more! Ahh can't wait for your call, I'm so gonna rush down to avenue 10 to see/hug you.

So I have 35 days of break, and I need to really make good use of it. Last year I spent Christmas.. on the plane -.- flying back to Singapore BUT that's not gonna happen this year! Yay, okay so it's another 3 weeks before I leave the country but I am already mentally packing my luggage lol.

This December is gonna be amazing, and it's really happening.. wow. x

*Damn, my personal email is cranking up, I can't seem to send out any documents :( Maybe it's time to change it to mrslovajana@hotmail.com... I'm totally kidding lol.

Caffeine overdose

Tonight I am not allowed to sleep... but how is that possible? P isn't here to keep me awake argh.

Wednesday blues

I really really cannot wait to get my last three major assignments over and done with. I hate how my sleep is being interrupted these days, I hate how I'll only hang out to study, I hate how I haven't been shopping, I hate the amount of time I spend in front of my laptop, but most of all I hate the snail pace of November. Argh. Btw, I deactivated FB again.. let's see how long I can go without it.

Two and a half weeks to liberation, kill me already....

For those who can ride in an airplane for the first time

I’m 30 years old and I’m trying to figure out most days what being a man means.

I don’t drink fight or love but these days I find myself wanting to do all three, and I don’t really have a favorite color anymore but I did when I was a kid, and back then that color was blue. And back then I wanted to be an astronaut, I wanted to be an architect, an artist, a secret agent, a ranger for the World Wildlife Fund, and a hobo. And when I was six years old I used to always throw my clothes into my blue and yellow plastic vinyl Hot Wheels car carrying suitcase, and run away to beneath the dining room table.

I’ve made out with more girls then I wish I’ve had and not nearly as many as I’d like to. I’ve been in love 4 or 5 times so I doubt I’m gonna try that much more often, and I spend most days making pictures or thinking about making pictures, or masturbating or thinking about masturbating.

And I dream too much and I don't write enough and I'm trying to find God everywhere.
Trying to figure this thing He made called a man.

And the television it tells me that it’s bare-knuckled bombing, and if I drove a tank or was a movie star, my penis would be huge and that’s what I want because that’s what being a man means or least that’s what they keep telling me.

My Pops, he takes care of us. He puts the garbage out twice a week, he drives forty-five minutes just to water flowers. I’m sitting on a bus when a seven year old boy carrying a book of Robin Hood sits down next to me and asks me my name. Anis. That’s a nice name. Thank you, what’s yours? Quentin. Anis? Do you wanna read with me?

So tell me what my fists keep writing. My fingers they open like gates when I write and the wind is swinging in the wake. I lift bridges with poems and forests grow in my mother’s eyes. I’m looking for God, Quentin, while this world tries to forget you for trying. For Quentin, this world hates your eyes for they are small and pure. And Quentin, this world hates your fingers — Little like the stems of flowers — for not being able to pick up the things you have left behind simply because you were still learning to do so.

I don’t drink, fight, or fuck but these days, Quentin, it’s only two out of those three that I don’t do. And I’ve fallen in love 6 7 8 9 10 times Quentin, so I don’t want to want to but I still do. And I want to find God in the morning and in the tired hands of dusk, at the mouth of the river and down by its feet. But instead I drive sixty through residential streets praying to hit a child that they may stay forever an angel, stay forever full of night and light and crayons with simple outstretched limbs, trying to pick up way too much way too fast, forgetting what it means to be a person.

In a world where egos are measured with tabloids, where automobiles double for morals, where beliefs are like naps—you leave them behind when somebody touches you— And in a place where oil always takes precedence over life, I find myself sitting on a bus watching a small boy float down like fresh water. Carrying a book that I used to. Asking if I want to see what he sees if only for a little while, and I do. And then asks if I want to give to him what I see if only for a little while, and I read to him.

And then he says to me he is going to show me the world and starts reading me the sentences himself, his hands dancing back and forth, across the pages. Stumbling over words, skipping over lines because his fingers are moving faster then what they are showing his eyes and I want to tell him:

Slow down, Quentin, slow down.

You don’t have to touch and go. You can see it all if your finger whispers on one word. Slow down and hold what you see just a little while longer.

For in a world of fast faces I'm looking for God everywhere.
Trying to figure out a little better this little thing He made called a man.
-Anis Mojgani

What makes you beautiful

You're insecure

Don't know what for

You're turning heads when you walk through the door

Don't need make up

To cover up

Being the way that you are is enough

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else in the room but you

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

You don't know oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperately

Right now I'm looking you and I can't believe

You don't know oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful, oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful

For the very first time..

1. I had Waterfall.

2. I puked before the party even started.

3. P puked in public hahaha. Oops.

Anyway, more photos in my Holga camera, will post them up when I get them developed! x

Hello November

Lately, I haven't been seeing/hanging with my girlfriends. I guess everyone's pretty caught up with school now that exams are just around the corner.. ahh cant wait for all of us to sail through this period and finally meet up in dec!

Anyway last friday was a pretty good one even though E, B and I came to school looking lifeless. It's funny how the three of us are constantly looking/thinking of excuses to postpone our presentations; happens every trimester lol. But this time I was quite determined to just go ahead with it, and we did. We came to school early, and almost ready, but only to realise that we got the timings all wrong and were wayyyy too early. But why oh why am I not at all surprised? So prin came along to find us and we hung out for the next two hours or so. I am really happy that prin is getting to know more of my friends, and it's really nice to see that they can all get along just fine! Can't wait for him to meet G and K! :)

So presentation was a breeze, like surprisingly? We thought we'll probably die midway during Q&A as we watched the other teams being gunned down by the tutor. The previous group took over an hour to wrap up their presentation, making the three of us really impatient and tired. Fyi, we only had 3 hours of sleep the night before. Anyhow our tutor was pretty pleased with our team, he said it was good, and he was smiling away when we were presenting. Wow. You see, we always have pretty low confidence of our work because they tend to be last minute. And apparently for this module, we were the only group with 3 members, others had like 5 to 6? Nobody likes us; we are seen as the outcasts in class although I prefer to think that we are simply on different wavelengths.

After school, E, P and I celebrated over dinner and beer. I felt quite bad making E drink, I can see how much he hates alcohol. I mean I used to, I still do now but only for hard liquor. And yes, I haven't been drinking lately so I was really really red after half a pint, and we were in Paradise Inn where it was brightly lighted. Ahhh imagine all those stares that I received; mega embarrassing. So after dinner, P came over to my place in an attempt to help me out with my essay, due the next day. Yes, we failed and fell asleep so now I am just getting started on it. Oh god I foresee a long night ahead so wish me luck..... x