Is it just me?

After being attached, I feel as if I'm an entirely different person. I am very unlike the old Sam; the one who doesn't give a hoot about most things, the one who barely sheds a tear, the one who parties and get herself home smelling like a bar, the one who cannot stand couples and that whole lovey dovey thing going on, just because I thought that was impossible for me. This is not to imply that I am missing the old self for this entry is written solely for reflection purposes.

Yesterday morning, P and I had a conversation over this girl whom I started disliking for various reasons, which are not at all nonsensical but rather logical. You see, stuff like this, makes me extremely paranoid and insecure, which leads me to becoming very unhappy. Too often I question myself, why am I so easily worked up, why am I acting this way, why am I becoming so looney, why this, why that, but most of all, why am I so unlike my usual self? Someone told me from the very start of our relationship that I have the key to P's heart, and that key can be seen as both a good and a bad tool. Because I have the ability to make him both a sad and a happy person. And recently, it's more of the former, which makes me extremely guilty but I have only my emotions to blame.

Admittedly, I have become a little more demanding these days.. and giving P a hard time cause he has to juggle assignments, exams and an annoying girlfriend all at the same time. And whenever I get upset, he gets distracted and then he has to put everything aside just so I can be happy again, and he can feel better too. As silly as it sounds, I am actually reflecting on my actions right now, and I just wanna say how sorry I am for being such a lousy girlfriend recently :(((( I will work hard to be better, I swear I will. Cause I can't stand myself too, and it's bothering me.

I love you baby, and that won't change no matter what happens. X